Righteous Reunion

You are ready to greet death
Monstrous barbarities all past
Only one future atrocity remains:
The offense granted by
Your loosened bowels
As you swing pendulously

There was a time you flew
Your face emblazoned
On banners borne on desert winds
Crowds chanted your name

Only taunts meet you now
A dissonant counterpoint
To your mumbled prayers
Recited much too late

The noose is placed
A rope ring promising
An eternity together:
With one grandson
Martyred with your own
Two, meeting you at death

Mama's Smile

I love it when Mama sings me to sleep. Her voice calms me until my body feels like it’s falling down, down through my feather pillow, down through the depths of my water bed, down, down, down, all the way down to dreaming.

I wake up to the sound of Mama. She’s not singing.

She sounds really happy and I wonder what she and Mommy are doing having so much fun this late at night. I like it when Mama is happy, ‘cos she’s usually so serious and Mommy and I take every chance we can get to make her laugh. To see Mama’s teeth when she smiles is like seeing a double rainbow: it doesn’t happen all the time, and I always look forward to seeing it again.

Mama used to smile all the time, and her teeth looked like they belonged on one of those toothpaste commercials. But, that was before she got attacked by the bad man. I was so scared she wasn’t ever coming home from the hospital, but Mommy and Uncle Devin both promised me Mama would be all right and she was. Well, almost.

When Mama came home a few days later, she was missing her front teeth just like me. I asked her what the Tooth Fairy brought her and she almost smiled and said the Tooth Fairy brought her home to me and Mommy. At first, I was glad that me and Mama were both waiting for our teeth to grow back. But then, when my teeth grew back and hers didn’t, I felt bad. Mama said not to worry. She and Mommy were saving money to get her smile back the way it was before.

That was months ago. Since then, Mama’s been staying home a lot more. Mommy says it’s ‘cos Mama’s embarrassed to go out and have people see her missing teeth. I asked Mommy why she couldn’t get Mama’s teeth fixed with her insurance like she did when I broke my arm last summer, and she said it didn’t cover Mama ‘cos they’re not really married. I must have looked confused ‘cos Mommy said she’d explain it to me later.

Anyway, it’s so nice to hear Mama in a good mood right now. Almost as good as her singing, but still good enough to make me fall all the way down back to sleep.

Coming Out: The Family Edition

Some months ago, it began. One of my relatives found me on Facebook. Since then, I've accepted friend requests from any blood relation who added me, yet our interaction in both digital and physical life has been minimal.

I briefly wondered, worried even, about some of the things I routinely posted on subjects that openly discussed what my family has already known about me, but never addressed directly since I left home. I passively waited for some Wall Post asking questions…or something. I write "passively", but in truth, I'd actively disengaged myself years ago.

Somewhere in the decade of my estrangement, something shifted. I'm not entirely sure what. But, I'm grateful for it. I love my family. I think of them more often than they could ever know. I haven't consciously needed them, but upon our reacquaintance, I'm moved by their addition to my current life.

I look forward to revisiting old familial bonds with the freedom I now possess; I want nothing from my family, and I'm excited by all they have to offer. When I released my desire for the Norman Rockwell family mythos I'd yearned for, it opened me up, freed me from grasping and shifted my focus to what was already in my hands.

I am surrounded by love. Through great trial and tribulation, my concept of family has broadened to include folks who simply share my species, my beliefs, if not my blood. And, that is enough. Yet, I'm open to so much more. There's room at the table for everyone.

My youngest aunt sent out a mass email to her contact list, informing family and friends of a new addition to their communication circle. My favorite cousin replied, adding my name to the list. She used my old name.

I decided on a brief note, reminding her of my name change, and that details would be forthcoming if she wanted them. She did! What follows is my response:

Sonya,

Details (the short version): I no longer identify as a man. I'm happily male-bodied with no desire to change my sex. However, I tired of the constrictive gender binary system and sought to remove myself from it. Hence, the gender neutral "Lark". I spent too many years and tears trying to live up to identities I hadn't (at the time) realized I'd never chosen in the first place.

In opting out of manhood, I embraced personhood. Who was I? Who did I want to be without concern of being too feminine/masculine, white/black, gay/straight, and countless other dichotomies? I enjoy the freedom from these boundaries. It's allowed me to thoroughly examine how to be the best person I can be, on my terms, and no one else's.

You're welcome to forward this message to anyone you'd like, if you'd like. No obligations.

Be well,

Lark